Sunday, December 28, 2014

Wild Kingdom Fashion 2014

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. We hear this all the time. The fashion industry is no different. What hangs on the rack at every store is a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy. The interwebs are full of advice to us: "copy this!" "you are not cool this season unless you're wearing what I'm wearing!" "be like me!" God bless the trendsetters, right? Or we would all go to the mall in last year's jeans. So as I say good-bye to 2014, I say thank you also, to this year’s style leaders…the trendsetters.

The Italians? No. The Kardashians? Er...No.

Fashionista 2014 Grand Supreme Prize – Adult Female Flemish Giant

These beauties are responsible for inspiring the year’s most prolific trend, the neck scarf. Though ours lack the functionality of Mama Rabbit's—like providing fluffy warm beds for her offspring—it serves to obstruct our view of where we are walking and could potentially aid a lost soul in want of our purse. Bravo to the dewlap!

Honorable Mention – Brahman Cow
Just as beautiful, but also less functional than Mama Rabbit’s dewlap. These scarves mostly remain in the Midwest this year, as word travels slowly here.

Fashionista 2014 Grand Prize – Gorilla
The full-figured gorilla inspired the year’s second most prolific style trend, the stretchy or yoga pant. These pants can be spotted on nearly every female from thin to fat, short to tall, and have the added benefit of looking exactly the same on EVERYONE. Universally unflattering on humans, these pants could be improved by covering them with something. At least some hair. Almost never seen inside a yoga studio.

Honorable Mention – Brabant Draft Horse
Even when these proud and amazing equines are bone thin, they have hefty and powerful butts. One advantage the Brabant has over the thin human is that their butts do not, as a rule, devour their pants. If I ever believe that I'm thin enough to get away with wearing these, I should think again.

Fashionista 2014 Congeniality Prize – Tamarin Monkey
This category spotlights our funny friends who inspire us to do stylish and ridiculous things with our hair. For its ability to make people laugh, this year’s Congeniality Prize goes to the Tamarin monkey. Thank you for the dip-dye, Mr. Tamarin. Well played.

Honorable Mention – Golden Snub-Nose Monkey
These somewhat rare monkeys have a knack for staying out of view. Yet the humans they inspire are everywhere, freaking us out and accepting food right from our hands! It just goes to show that introverts can be trendsetters too.

High fashion inspired by our animal friends is a heart-warming trend which appears to be continuing into 2015. Already there is evidence of cheetah-inspired prints and the persistence of high-heeled booties. At a time when our relationship with animals is fragile, it's wonderful that copies of copies grow from the seed of such pure inspiration. 


  1. I knew those ombre highlights reminded me of something. If only this kind of post would start a trend for those New Year's compilations I'm seeing everywhere, I'd regain some respect for the people who work in TV!

  2. *throws away yoga pants before anyone notice*
    Whew! That was close!